February 5, 2014

This life, this moment, this breath...

A friend of mine posted her Facebook movie today, and I decided to give it a try.  Basically, Facebook takes your posts since you joined and creates a slideshow movie of some of the pictures you shared.  One gets to see snippets of her life with this touching music that plays along...  I was not prepared for the surge of emotions that would fill me...

I cried.  I cried my heart out.  Lifted my eyes, looked up at the sky, brought my hands to my heart and gave thanks, bursting with gratitude for this life, this oh so precious life that we get to live, that we get to experience, that we get to share, and explore, and taste.   With all of its beauty, and heartaches, and joys, and sorrows, and oh so many many wonders and miracles.

This is what I wish with all my heart to share with you.  The many wonders of life, of you.  The love that underlines it all...  even when we don't understand.   For I have come to believe that the greatest sorrows can bear the most precious gifts...

Sometimes, we can only stand as witness of the pain in other people's heart.  And no matter how much we would like to lift this pain, to take it away, no matter our love for them, we can't.  Sometimes, we get to be bystander by watching other people destroy their lives, and sometimes even take their own lives... like my father did 16 years ago and my eldest brother 3 years ago this upcoming March.

They say it takes 3 years to grieve the death of a loved one by suicide.  This is my way of honoring my brother and letting him go in peace...  By wishing him all the love where he is...By reaffirming my oh so strong conviction that this life, this amazing life, is so worth it.  Every single breath of it.  Every experience of it.  That we are such beautiful being, all of us.  And that I love him with all my heart.


I am aware that I was blessed to be born with a joyful and hopeful heart, and an unsinkable spirit.  And at the same time, deeply recognize that, for me, yoga and art have been the paths towards the realization of our divinity, of our intrinsic goodness and of the incredible joy that resides inside ourselves. The answer to my prayer that my heart stays open, no matter what.  I am convinced that I would not be the same person were it not for the profound, transformative changes that both these practices bestow.

At my brother's funeral, I gave the eulogy.  In closing, standing in front of his wife and son, of my mother and youngest sister, I sang the song Hands, by Jewel.  I would like to share it here with you... in the hope that every single one of us recognizes our own worth and beauty, no matter what. That we each hold the power to decide, to take a stand, to open ourselves to Love and Life.   This is not a 'deserving' thing - you are born deserving, and beautiful, and so precious....

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

I love you Benoit and carry you in my heart, always...  thank you for having been my brother in this life, for all that we shared together, and the many gifts of knowing you...

With heart open wide,


Isabelle


2 comments:

  1. Very heartening Isabelle. So so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. Caro

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    1. Dear Caro,
      Thank you s much for your kind words... March 28 came and went, and though I did think of my brother, it was with gratitude and love. I am at the same age that he was when he left this plane, and my life is so full of beauty and wonder, that my heart cannot help be be filled with gratitude.
      Sending you love,

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